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- The Specialist March, 2010
- By Gil Cabral, Manager, Education & Training
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Portions of the following article are based on the book Just Listen by Dr. Mark Goulston.
I recall a conversation I once had with a project manager who told me that he thought so highly of his boss – the owner of a large contracting firm – that he would 'walk through fire for him'. That statement left an impression on me, for it was truly sincere and uncommon.It is highly unusual for people to place themselves in harm's way for others unless it is for a loved one. So what qualities did this man possess to inspire people to follow him with such fervor? What qualities does a leader possess that so endears his followers? Is it charm, appearance, the timbre of his voice? Fortunately, I knew the individual this project manager referred to, and after some reflection, I was able to identify the personality traits that would lead to such endearment.
He was, on many fronts, a very ordinary person. There was nothing in his physical appearance or charisma to suggest a person worthy of such devotion. His qualities rested not with his physical abilities; instead, they were his well-honed empathic abilities.
The Great Persuader
If there was one standout quality, it was his ability to persuade people. He had a deep understanding of people and what motivated them. He understood that people have their own needs and desires, and that these motivate their actions every day. He knew that in order to persuade people, they would need to share his aspirations, to buy into his goals.He first addressed their emotional needs in order to move them through the cycle of persuasion. Effective persuasion is all about moving people through a cycle of persuasion. This cycle consists of 5 stages beginning with a resistance to listening stage and ending with the gladly doing it stage. This last stage occurs after people have bought in.
Be More Interested than Interesting
He was an ordinary person, and strove to be more interested than interesting. This lesson comes right out of Dale Carnegie's writings, in that one way to truly win friends and influence people is to be more interested in listening to them rather than impressing them with your wit and charm. Many of us have it all wrong when we equate the energy we devote to attempting to impress people through wit, charm, and intelligence as being the path to influence.Make People Feel Valuable
He knew the value of raising people's esteem, of making them feel important. This was his priceless gift to them that was often reciprocated by people's willingness to walk through fire for him. He would make an effort with everyone, regardless of their status, to make them feel valued as a member of the organization. He was never one to lecture anyone or point out their shortcomings. Such actions would merely cause people to become defensive and hide things. Instead, he chose a side-by-side approach. He would literally sit beside the person if he could in order to make them feel as comfortable as possible.Put Himself in Other People Shoes
He had an uncanny ability to make people feel comfortable by making them feel felt. By mirroring other people's feelings, he was able to sympathize with them and would often express it in conversational phrases such as, "I understand what you are going through". This approach helped his people feel less alone, anxious, and afraid. With their defensive guard down, they became more receptive to him.These approaches may resonate with some of you and are but a few of the things to consider when mastering the art of persuasion and motivating people. I encourage you on your journey of learning to explore this topic in greater detail through the many reference books available on the subject.
Illustration by Angelo Katsaros